A Helping Hand

For an addict often times it can hard to cope with what is going on.  It is even harder to open up and letting people in to see your demons.

I just wanted to highlight a few online support groups that I have heard good things about.  They are free to use and can get addicts into contact with each other so they can share stories, find an accountability partner and things of that nature.

Daily Strength
This is a nice discussion board where you can post and talk about whatever you like anonymously.  There are many categories highlighting different addictions.

Addiction Survivors
 AddicitonSurviviors.org is a not-for-profit organization dedicated to providing peer support communities for those with addiction disorders and their families and friends. These forums are funded in whole by individuals whose lives have been touched by addiction in one way or another.

 

It is great to have a community to reach out to and share your experiences with.  Even if it is anonymously, it is great to see what others have been through.  It can be a real encouragement during tough times.  And maybe you sharing your story on one of these forums can help someone else who is going through a similar situation.  

A Different Perspective

I decided to mix it up a bit today and share an audio clip of a conversation I had with a father of an addict. Hope it gives some new insights that I couldn't capture, enjoy!

Trust Issues

After my sister's recovery everything just didn't go back to normal. Everything wasn't alright. I still felt betrayed and was scared to trust her again. I questioned whether or not I could ever really trust her again.

So how do you go about trusting someone after all the pain they were associated with when they were addicts?

Time, of course, is one of the more obvious answers but it often is not the best course to take. There are always a multitude of ways to deal with a person who has hurt you in the past. But when it comes to someone who is close to you, most of the time you want to forgive them as soon as possible. If you hold onto your pain it will hinder your relationship with that person.

There will always be the fear of getting hurt again, and when dealing with an addict it is a definite possibility that it will happen. I had to overcome my fear of being hurt again because I still wanted to have a relationship with my sister, for better or for worse.

Addicts and Perceptions

"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them." Thomas Merton

I read this quote the other day and it struck a chord with me.  When dealing with an addict, it is easy to judge and see what they are doing wrong.  Often times this leads people that are around addicts to try and fix the problem an addict has.  That is not what you need to do or have any capability of doing. One must accept them for who they are, and take in the good and the bad.  No one is above reproach and we need to understand that when dealing with people who we think are worse off. We all have issues and problems; an addict's problem is just out in the open.

It is better to accept the situation and truly love that person (all of them) not just the likable parts. No matter what circumstances may arise.  

This is a very hard concept to grasp especially in a situation where you are close to an addict.  You want to save them and take the smoking gun out of their hand but you can't.  All you can do is accept the situation for what it is and look at it from another view, a view of true love, of unconditional love. Or get close as we can to unconditional love as imperfect people. 

My Sister's Story

Since I have started the blog I wanted to really dive deep into my sister's addiction and how it all began.  But that is hard to do when writing a blog. Also I am not the right person to tell my sister's story.  So here is a recounting of my sister's addiction and her road to recovery.  

Family and Addiction

My best friend, let's say his name is Mike, has a younger brother who is an addict. I'll call my friend's brother Shawn.

So Shawn has a long history of drug and alcohol abuse. I've heard many times that Shawn needs to get his act together and be the man of the family that he is suppose to be. Mike and Shawn are the two oldest kids out of six and my friend Mike doesn't like that Shawn is setting such a bad example for the younger kids. Shawn has caused numerous problems for his parents and has put an enormous burden on his whole family. He totaled his parents car, stole money, and more. It is much more than most families can bear normally. This was an extraordinary situation, Shawn was suffering from his addiction all while his mother was dying from cancer.

I could go into more details but it is a tough subject for me to talk about. The point is that if anyone should have been left to fend for themselves or cut off from a family, it was Shawn. But that didn't happen. His parents showed incredible strength and wisdom by loving him even when it burdened and put a lot of stress on the family as a whole.


For me and my best friend Mike, it was a hard pill to swallow.  How do you forgive someone who has done nothing but make your entire family suffer in a time of great sorrow and stress?

Are You Really Listening?

Are you really listening?

When my sister was struggling with her addiction, I never truly listened to her. I would let her speak but never put much weight on her words. Because what does an addict have to say that is worth something? I wanted her to listen to me. I was the healthy one in the right frame of mind! If she just listened to me I could FIX her up in no time.

If I listened maybe I would have heard what she was saying. That there was nothing I could fix. Maybe if I was really listening I would have known. Instead, I was caught up searching for a answer to my problem: my sister's addiction.

I ask you to give it a try. Just listen. Don't speak, don't try and answer their questions. Just let them know you care by lending them an ear. They may shout at you, cry, or speak very plainly.  However they do speak just sit there and really listen.